Tag Archives: friends

BFF.

I’d honestly love for someone to explain this obsession with ‘best friendships’ to me. Why do some people feel the need to affirm that they have one best friend, and one best friend only? “She’s my number one” or “this is my best friend ___”, every single time the person is brought up. Doesn’t it become tiresome, wearing your insecurities on your sleeve like that? That’s one of the reasons I assume you constantly remind us all of your best friendship – because you’re insecure in that friendship; worried that they don’t feel the same, or worried that we don’t all know. Trust me, we know. We (the we in this being me) don’t care. We’ve heard it enough times. It’s almost the end of high school, so with that end, maybe this obsession with having a best friend can also end. Sure, have your best friends. But there is no need to constantly shove your couple status in everyone else’s faces. To be honest, it looks kind of strange, two people being so co-dependent on each other they may as well enter into a marriage. Few things are more off-putting to me than being eerily similar to another person, simply because they’re my ‘best friend’.

Call me bitter, jealous, because I don’t have a best friend – sure. At this point, I don’t know if I care that much. If you’d asked me 4 years ago if I would rather one true ‘BFF’, or a group of close friends, I would have probably said one true BFF, because that’s what I felt that I had at the time. That didn’t turn out so well, and now I’d probably choose the latter. It’s good to have different people to talk to about different things – I don’t want to put all my eggs in one basket. It’s risky. People change, grow up, move on – then you’re stuck with half a heart saying “best” while someone’s run off with the half that says “friends”. Sure. Forever.

Just please, stop telling me about your best friend. They can be your soulmate, that’s awesome. My care factor is almost non-existent, and if I hear anything to this effect once more, it will finally be forced to plummet to zero. There are much more important things in the world I care about – really, most thoughts that have ever crossed my mind rank higher on my priority list than hearing you talk about how best your bestie is.

“What kind of ship never sinks? A friendship!” – Anyone who truly believes that has probably never engaged in a friendship. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but really, everything comes to an end. The sooner you all accept that your best friend will not, in fact, be your ‘Best Friend Forever’, the sooner you can start to pay equal attention to those other people who sometimes hang around. Your average ‘friends’, deemed unworthy of that super-special status. Hi.

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Friends.

After some prolonged moments of pensive thought, I’ve arrived at a conclusion very different from where I started: ‘friends forever’ is a lie. Or a half-truth, if lie is too harsh a word.

The other day, I was reading through this autobiography we had to make for school. At the front, one of our parents was asked to write a foreword, and in the back are messages from our friends. In mine, there are about 7 messages, most of them saying something nice and ending with “Cathy will always be my best friend!” or “I know Cathy and I will stay friends forever!” While the sentiments are appreciated, and I’m sure at the time they were true to some extent, I’ve learned that those sentiments don’t last long. One reason being that you never stay the same as you were at the age of 13. Some lucky people grow together – from childhood to adulthood, from their teenage years to their old age. Those people are indeed truly lucky – to have someone who knows them so well, and knows their past. To have someone they can always lean on, and run to, and call in the middle of the night – that friend who’ll be around, always. Forever.

I’ve definitely had my fair share of ‘best friends’, but they moved on. They grew up, matured, in a different direction, and I suppose for most, that’s inevitable. That definitely didn’t make it less hard, however. And ever since, I’ve proclaimed my feelings on the topic loudly for all to hear: I don’t feel the need for a best friend, I’m content with many close friends. But I think I was kidding myself, really. That feeling of being needed by someone else, of being able to tell another person everything – it’s the friendship equivalent of a long-term relationship, I guess. It’s a great feeling, and that feeling of consistency definitely eases the mind. It’s fairly sad that I don’t feel I have ‘another half’, per se; almost all of my other friends will be graduating this year with one other person to share it with – hey, some even have two people they consider their best friend, their closest confidante, etc. But me? Well, I think my post-graduation plans speak for themselves: finding myself on the fringes once again, I’m travelling alone.

It has meant I’m at peace with being on my own, though. Sometimes, I’ll talk feelings out to others, but mostly I just feel like a burden. I try to work through things by writing them out; writing forces me to organise my thoughts enough so that there’s a structure to them, and it helps. But I digress – what I’m trying to say is, that at least from personal experience, I’ve lost my faith in the belief that friendships last forever. Both past and recent experience have conditioned me to almost keep people at a distance – you let a friend get to know you too well, and you’re vulnerable to pain later on. You’re friends with someone for years, and a tiny issue can spiral out of control and destroy everything you’ve been building up over years of friendship, and it’s awful. It’s an obvious defence mechanism on my part, however – some friendships are definitely worth being that open with someone. And I’ve most likely got friends like that now who deserve that level of honesty, but my self-consciousness always gets in the way; I fear I’m a burden, or that I’m annoying, or a manic-depressive nuisance, or all of the above all at once.

I’m not quite sure that I arrived at the point I was attempting to make to begin with. I think my stance changed halfway through this post. I’d love to think that some friendships can last through anything; however, the fragility of high school friendships has led me to believe otherwise. Who knows. Maybe when we grow up (I refuse to believe that just because we’re turning 18, we are mature), our friendship will stand a better chance. Maybe, eventually, I’ll find a friend who’ll be around forever. Until then, I should just appreciate the few that have made it this far.

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