Breathe In, Breathe Out.

How do you work out the value of our friendships? It’s not who you’re Facebook friends with, I know that – if my friends list is anything to go by, at least. So many of the people on there are not people I would consider very good friends – we’re just Facebook friends because we met at a party, or an event, and added each other for… no particular reason. Ergo, not good friends.

Is it who we think would turn up to our funeral? I know we’ve all thought about it – somehow having the ability to watch our own funeral, so we can see who has actually cared enough to mourn our death appropriately (black clothes for three years, at least, and perhaps a tattoo in my memory). I’m not sure on this one – if possible, most good friends would make an appearance, but sometimes other people turn up at funerals – people we didn’t expect. Like your first high school teacher, who you really got along well with. They aren’t a friend as such, but there was a mutual fondness and they cared enough to attend your funeral.

Are our friends the people we would call if we were in distress? Not health-wise, in which case I would hope people would call an ambulance, but mentally. You’ve just learned of the death of a close relative – who do you call (not Ghostbusters, they’re far too busy)? A lot of people would call their ‘best friend’ – their other half, the person they tell everything to. Me, I don’t have anyone that fits that description. All of my closest friends have another person they consider their ‘best friend/other half’, and I don’t mind really. But it does mean I’m not sure who I would call. Truthfully, I’d probably write about it somewhere. Collate my thoughts into neat paragraphs on a blog in some corner of the internet. I’d eventually talk to a friend, but often when I do, my overanxious side takes over, and I worry I’m annoying them, or that they’re not interested, etc – self-consciousness means that if I was distressed, I would have to pause.

Think for a moment. Breathe in. Choose a name. I don’t know who I would call when push comes to shove, and that’s slightly worrying. Hopefully it isn’t something that will be a pressing issue any time soon, but it’s there, at the back of my mind. Would anyone call me? Who would turn up to my funeral? Who is a true friend, as opposed to a convenient friend? Who would I call?

Breathe in, breathe out,
Tell me all of your doubt,
If everybody bleeds this way; 
Just the same.
Breathe in, breathe out,
Move on and break down, 
If everyone goes away
I will stay.

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